Ireland

So with happiness in my heart I hopped onto a Ferry headed to Cork, a coincidental name. It seemed appropriate enough, since I didn’t drink wine too heavily in Paris, beer would be okay for me and cheaper, grainier, more filling. The boat was definitely going towards my destination because the shore had become an oasis of foliage hanging beneath the sky atop blue mercury textured turbulent swells off in the distance only to eventually be consumed by the mild forecast that now surrounded us. There was ocean all around me for the second time in my life, but from a plane I couldn’t see dolphins like these that were darting out of the water in unison, one by one, two by two and so on. If I had seen a dolphin outside the plane it would have been concerning for all of us on board as we would have been crash landing! Or there would be concern for myself in regards to mental health, as if I just saw Neptune being towed on skis by dolphins through a wake of clouds, carving through billowed and inflated knowledge with demi-God profundity.

Speaking with other backpackers about Ireland gave me high expectations of the people, the music, the land. I felt like I was going home, with all the drinking and dancing and small towns with open spaces. It wasn’t long before I made my way up to Galway where there would be hundreds of pubs with impromptu, traditional music jamming all hours of the day and night. Pints were passed from row to row in standing room only smallish rooms with no tables, only arm rests, or pint rests rather. Shamrocks were designed in foam from the pour, boasting experience. Loud chatter and all-at-once cheering. Everybody was on the same plane. Staggering out onto the street arm in arm, cursing and laughing, falling down stumbling to get up, and after closing time, wholeheartedly shouting poetry into the wind. Then silence, except for the wind and lashing on the masts of sailboats, an occasional deep breath fog horn, and a yelp. Another yelp followed by group laughter.

Humor is the catalyst to laughter and Ireland is the launching platform for sarcasm. Sarcasm can be taunting and terse but for me it is the technique of saying what we know automatically, which has the potential to make better sense, or make humor out of an ordinary or derogatory statement. It’s up to those present to decide how purposeful or not the comment was. It can be a curse at times to have skill at sarcasm, but sometimes it is a blessing disguised as luck. I think the blessing makes it worthwhile to say what you think on the quip.

I met lots of Irish people who like to yank your chain, especially when you walk right into their amusement. They would kindly go with the flow, egging me on almost, like I represented all Americans and therefore would most certainly ask all the same questions. Silly questions and statements were open to subtle mockery. I learned quickly I was in fact not Irish but full blown Yankee. Also the McElroy’s were sheep stealers from the North. The visit was personal for me. Why was the micro-percentage of Irish heritage in me celebrated so heavily. It could’ve been simply my last name and that I loved to celebrate with spirits or could it be a deeper connection bound by sarcasm and the obstinate outlook I have on others not understanding the quip.

I’ve always felt awkwardness in silence and also stubbornness when I may have to break the silence. This journey to Europe that I took twenty five years ago is the beginning of my spiral into schizophrenia. I believe it is a story that needs to be told for my own recovery going into the next twenty five years. It may take me ten years to produce only a pamphlet that describes what it’s like to have been psychotic, that shows during its course the strength it takes to rebuild into a stable life. If by finding the courage to break my silence gets me there and keeps me sober I will continue to share the journey. I’m just getting started here. It’s going to take practice. My posts are outlines that I may expand upon if necessary. It was a slow decline into the illness so there’s lots more to be told. I get to go on a great adventure again!