Why do I always have the feeling to hurry along going nowhere? I suppose the nomad in me has never left. It used to be that I would get the idea to go far away with a destination in mind. To meander with purpose towards an ideal outcome. While on my way there I would experience something new at random checkpoints along the way, but upon arriving was the same feeling of wanderlust that made me leave in the first place. I could’ve easily made my starting point ideal by not experiencing anguish over somewhere I was not but I didn’t know how to feel happy without longing for someplace different which I imagined to be a place of healing. I want to find bliss but get caught up in the foundation of work and responsibilities which leads to an unsustainable happiness. It is gratifying to seek bliss even when the ideal place doesn’t exist. Gazing intently at the stars while the buzz of humankind is less than a mile away keeps me from being uplifted by the stars and by man. It is easier to be content when there is nothing between you and unlimited scenery.
I think to myself there must be some sort of culture and built environment on earth that is perfect. Most likely I am wrong in thinking that way. I should try to travel in my mind where I can become more enlightened within my immediate surroundings and interactions. Isn’t our mind just an environment of memories that we discover along the way to better understanding? Making memories is done by recognizing when you are in a place of purpose with significant people. Otherwise, if your memories are being created by random altercations you may be desperately seeking help or giving it freely. It is easiest for me to be on the move physically and psychologically because I get satisfaction from discovering new territories but to relax and let the life I have created for myself catch up to me through acknowledging where I started and forgetting where I’m headed could give me a greater understanding of commitment and success.
Francis Erich McElroy 