“I must admit, ladies and gentlemen, that today I find myself in front of the most sensible crowd I’ve encountered in all my years as a citizen of this tolerant state. Compared to other states in our beloved union, which are, shall we say, less tolerant and cordial, this one stands out to me. Of course, countries also have their own versions of states, although they use different terms. We, on the other hand, have our unique way of referring to smaller regions, such as parishes or provinces. It’s fascinating, isn’t it? But I digress.
Now, let’s get down to the matter at hand: the Loeb family and their land predicament. There are those who advocate for seizing their property to construct yet another section of railroad through Loeb Peak, promising faster access to the border. But let me be clear, my esteemed friends, I staunchly oppose this federal project. Mary Loeb, a woman who has seen four sons bravely fight on multiple fronts for far too many years, stands firmly against it as well. It is my duty to voice her concerns.
You see, the proposed alternative is to demolish the tip of a majestic mountain, all at a higher cost, mind you, instead of annexing the old Devereaux property in the valley. Strange priorities, wouldn’t you agree? There are boarding houses and brothels thriving in that valley, with an excess of gambling, drinking, and late-night hootenannies. My proposal is simple: let the railroad run through that valley, causing a stir among the locals who have grown comfortable in their indulgences.
But let’s not delay any longer, my friends! I realize I’ve been veering off-topic, indulging in delightful tangents, which I’m known to do. However, it’s high time I address the true purpose of my presence here today. Ahem. Last week, near Loeb Peak, I had an… interesting encounter. A white light abducted me and transported me to a flying disk, where little gray creatures violated me profusely. Fascinating, isn’t it? Now, let’s move on.”
Norman Rockwell – Freedom of Speech, 1943
Francis Erich McElroy 