I have a big old knot smack dab in the middle of my forehead. It is supposedly calcified bone that I’ve had for about twenty-five years, but I hope that within the next five years the knot will actually open up and blink. Over the past five years, I have transformed my look from boho to so-so old, so now the knot is not hidden under bangs. I sweep my hair to the side for sophistication and natural appeal; boho is not natural for me anymore. The calcified bone is juxtaposed between thinker’s lines that have gradually pitted over the last thirty years from thinking and worrying too much.
Today, I barely have to think as much to look like I’m intent on explaining things most everybody knows already, but they won’t try explaining themselves due to a lack of interest. For me, it’s worth a try to get my own discomfort corrected by not knowing certain things and expressing it to come across as confident, whether I know little or much. I get it, but I don’t fully understand how I feel about not knowing without trying to express what I do know, which is mostly about myself and the emotions I have towards how I interact with the world, not what is happening in the world. Why would anybody be interested in me over their world?
I learned the word ‘epistemology’ today, the philosophy of knowing, and I know nothing of that kind of knowing. Still, I am getting better at knowing who I am on the grand scale of what I am capable of saying, even without many people to say it due to their lack of interest in themselves and their lack of interest in understanding more of what they already know without saying so, so as to be knowledgeable about things they do not know firsthand.
Most everybody lacks the courage to explain themselves for not knowing how to put into words what they do know when it comes to world affairs. They will only express their feelings to others when they are fully disclosing how good they are or how bad they have been in their own morals and beliefs, so someone else may actually relate, without understanding why people have an opinion on topics they can’t discuss. Most people speak their emotions and not their intellect. They also retain their intellect without resolving their emotions. People don’t really know what they are talking about when they consider opinions over the truth.
Emotional intelligence may be a timestamp to where somebody is in their life before they seek the truth. The truth is that our emotions are more difficult to explain than the truth because the truth changes for good over time, while emotions change often but temporarily. Emotions are elusive, while the truth is manageable. The more truth we have in our lives, the more manageable our lives become.
The knot on my forehead is definitely calcified bone. It is not my third eye. The truth is I do not speak about what people already know, nor am I disinterested in what they have to say, really. I do, however, speak to the emotions of people because their emotions speak to me. I am running out of time to understand what it means to tie my intellect into emotions for a better understanding of the world through the lens of what I do know and what I do not, what I care about and what I do not, what I feel and what I do not, what I see and what I do not, what I hear and what I do not, what I speak and what I do not.
Francis Erich McElroy 