Eric wants to walk through door number one, a tiny door he would never choose to enter without mounting courage or actually falling from grace.
The king riding the tallest steed throughout the kingdom tends to never duck his head to miss the astonishment of onlookers who have only heard him cussing on the turret of his castle until coming face to face with his brashness. High on a hill furthest away from those who would most likely have the castle destroyed, he would ramble on before one day tumbling down, a lump of laughter, loafing at the feet of his subjects instead of leading them into glory again. He cries out for mercy instead.
Since Eric is a loafer laughing he decides to walk through the tiniest door without realizing he will have to dismount again for the last time.
Sitting on the floor in a circle with one empty space is the queen, the jester, the prince, and the princess, all eyes inspecting him.
“Hello my royal family, and my greatest friend, it is my pleasure to SH@$, FU+#, BALLS,” Eric averts his eyes knowing he’s been caught again with his Tourette’s blazing for all ears to endure. He ponders climbing back on his horse and proceeds to cover up with….”ahem, to finally make it to the ball.”
Eric takes a seat between his two eldest children who are not laughing with the rest of the kingdom that keeps swirling inside his head. The Queen is silent though embarrassed enough to smile and nod at the jester gesturing to the obvious embarrassment. The jester looks blankly at the center of the circle as if he has never told or heard a joke in his entire life.
Eric points to the jester, “who invited the frog?”
“Oh stop it, daddy, the jester is here because he knows you more than you know yourself.”
“Eric, we are here today because we want to play a game with you that involves a few too many ducks and a goose.” The jester then stands up and says, “I’ll go first!”
“Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, GOOSE.” The princess stands up hurriedly and runs around the circle to catch the jester but he leaps into the empty spot before being tagged.
“Looks like the frog instead kissed the princess turning her into a frog, the way she hopped up to SH$_, FU%_, GONADS…..ahem, go next I mean.”
“Dad? Really? You are a foul mouthed sorry excuse for a human being and you should apologize to my sister who has more class in her little pinky than you have in your entirety.”
There ensued boisterous laughter from the belly of the king followed by a pitiful smile that wanes toward consensus.
“Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck. Goose.” The prince jumps up and runs around the circle stumbling to catch up to the princess but she gets to his empty spot before being tagged.
“Looks like the prince is a pauper who could never find a goose to SH__, FU__, JOCKSTRAP….ahem, to care for his own goslings,” Eric gandered at his robust friend mocking his own manhood.
“My dear, I would say that you are the same man I married but you are not. You are an embarrassment to this family. Our union is strained.”
“Duck. Duck. Goose.” But the queen just sits there denying her turn. The game is over.
“It seems to me that the queen is expressing that denial is not just a river in Egypt to…S___ F___ ROBOT…ahem, to row merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily gently down the stream!”
“Life is not a dream, Eric, it has been somewhat of a nightmare for your family this past twenty years!” The jester certainly was not playing the part he had been sequestered many years ago to play when he spilled more liquor on his shoes (5 years 11 months and 24 days ago) than Eric has ever drank.
Before hastily jumping high up on his horse again, Eric decided to give it a hitch and a rest. “It seems to me the past five years has been one long intervention without the love letters, so here is my love letter to you all, followed by my answer.”
“____ ____ SORRY.…just sorry, I need to make amends, please allow me to heal. Thank you for loving me, for caring. Thank you for your help now and always. I love you all so very much. It is time for change. ____ ____ GOOSE!”
Eric taps his own head, stands up and exits the room out of door number one. He does not need to duck. He is the King.
Francis Erich McElroy 