About

“I am not a comedian but rather a rattled jewel of sarcasm encased in art. Health, humor, and love is what I seek under the umbrella of family.” – FEM

As kids growing up in the 80’s and 90’s some of us would form our own fantasy rock and roll band just so we could name it. There were some real winners that I came up with like when I learned the word nirvana before I ever heard it. Other names were not such a great idea and were probably concerning for my mother. I’m not sure at 13 if I was anywhere near Punk Junkies but the music I was into gave me fantasies of that lifestyle. I couldn’t play an instrument so I took up painting, finding myself making watered down, flat head shots of dead rock stars and divas. On occasion I would try to draw what was before me but the subject would always turn around and say “buzz off, Erich.” I started to write without forcing it, just occasionally writing an interesting thought. When I went to write lyrics for a song it would sometimes be about suicide and darkness with a lot of rhyming which was neither an enticing nor authentic feel. My mom found a sample of these lyrics once and proceeded to write them out in her own handwriting to show the absurdity. I stopped with dark lyrics and focused on turning in quality writing assignments. All other homework was put to the side in favor of sports which for me helped socially but lead to drinking on the weekends. I believe drinking stifles my creativity but I did have bright spots in college with some interesting poetry and thoughtful research papers.

I started writing again while journaling my experience with a late recovery from dual diagnosis and various other diagnoses over the years. I say late recovery because over decades of med changes and self medicating I can’t say I’m in early recovery. That is how long it takes to recover from a severe break from reality if you’re going to drink and experiment. I will always be in recovery. I’m lucky to be alive. I’m lucky to be stable and sober. I’ve had a lot of support, a strong desire to do better, and I take meds as prescribed daily. This allows me to raise a family, be loved and in love, and to be creative again. I now have these reasons to enjoy life, which has guided me for quite some time but today it feels more syncretic, not in a religious sense but in the sense that all of my life experiences combined into a more whole existence because of the cohesion of thought into action, love into comfort and experience into care. Thinking for myself, allowing myself to be loved by those close to me, and being kind is how I have developed into the person I always knew was in here. 

Thank you for reading this and any posts you may have enjoyed. Erich

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